


The cost of authenticity

by saya4haji



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Bad date, Dating issues, Gen, Kara Danvers is a good friend, Mourning, Nia Nal character study, The terrors of online dating, Trans Issues, Transphobic moment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:00:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25287217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saya4haji/pseuds/saya4haji
Summary: Nia doesn't turn up for work two days in a row and so Kara goes to check on her. Nia is struggling after a failed date coincides with her mothers anniversary. Kara offers a shoulder to cry on and in the process comes to know Nia that much better.
Relationships: Kara Danvers & Nia Nal
Comments: 9
Kudos: 61





	The cost of authenticity

**Author's Note:**

> This story came about while discussing worst first date experiences. As a lesbian with a disability I have had a few shockers in my time and my Trans friend Darcy was telling me about some of her terrible experiences. I amalgamated some of our experiences to create this story and explore the issue of when to reveal parts of yourself to a new prospective partner and the process of finding your feet as your true self.

Kara knocks firmly on Nia’s apartment door. It had been two days since Nia had been into Catco and despite her text messages saying that Nia was feeling unwell but would be back to work on Monday, Kara is concerned.

Okay, maybe Brainy is more concerned and had sort of begged Kara to come check on Nia. Kara had been hesitant at first. Nia had taken Thursday and Friday off work and letting her have some peace over the weekend wasn’t really a big deal. Hey, they all needed a break after the Leviathan and Lex debacle.

Brainy had been insistent though, and despite Kara’s hesitancy at getting involved in their ‘on-again off-again’ romance, and being wary of Brainy’s, quite frankly, ridiculous tendency to overreact and be unreasonably protective of Nia, Kara had given in. Something in Brainy’s voice had made Kara uneasy. Made her think that there was a little more going on than Nia just being tired and under the weather. If nothing else, Kara is a good friend and Nia has always been there for her through thick and thin, so sacrificing a few hours to check on Nia with a couple bags of take out was no real hardship.

Kara’s eyes narrow and she tilts her head to the side as she listens to the sluggish movements inside the apartment. After another minute, when it becomes apparent that Nia is not going to answer, Kara knocks again.

Kara is beginning to genuinely worry now, but she affects a gently exasperated tone of voice as she calls out, “Nia I can hear you shuffling from foot to foot on the other side of the door even without my powers. Open the door!”

There is a slight thump and a squeaking inhalation before the door handle rattles and the door squeaks open to reveal a nervous and dishevelled Nia.

“Hi,” Nia whispers in a quiet voice.

Kara takes in Nia’s appearance with a growing frown. Nia is usually impeccably dressed, her makeup flawless and hair styled to perfection. Nia takes pride in looking good and creating the outward image of who she really is. Kara had benefited from her fashion advice and her makeup abilities on more than one occasion before a date. The Nia before Kara now though is worrying. She wears sweats that by the copious wrinkles and evidence of crumbs, she must have been wearing since Wednesday night. Nia’s hair is lank and tangled. The remnants of her styling products making it seem greasy and limp.

It is Nia’s pale complexion and puffy, tear rimmed eyes though that cause a fission of pain and worry to spike through Kara’s gut.

“Oh Nia,” Kara whispers back.

Using only a hint of Superspeed Kara dashes forward, deposits the bags of takeout on the floor, wraps Nia in her arms and kicks the door closed behind her.

The strong arms and warm comfort of Kara’s embrace seems to be the final straw and Nia breaks down again. She turns her face into Kara’s chest and lets the tears flow. Her hands grasp desperately at Kara’s back and her quiet tears soon escalate into full blown sobs.

Nia’s legs feel week and just before they give way she feels Kara scoop her up and carry her to the couch.

For fifteen long minutes Nia lets the tears flow. Painful, angry sobs rack her chest and she gasps for breath. Kara tucks Nia’s head beneath her chin and softly strokes her back as she whispers sweet words of comfort into her hair.

It is like the lancing of a pustule, a vicious poison filled buboe that has been growing steadily heavier on Nia’s soul and weighing on her chest is finally ruptured and emptied. As she cries, she releases all the pain and sorrow she has been feeling these last years.

The loss of her mother, her sister’s shunning, the attacks on her community and the failure of her relationship with Brainy. All the hurt, pain and grief flow from her body. Each tear filled with her raw emotions.

Eventually Nia’s sobs slow, the exhaustion of her emotional catharsis subsuming her.

“S-s-sorry… I- I didn’t mean…I c-can’t…” Nia tries to explain to Kara. A hot flush of embarrassment races up Nia’s cheeks as she realizes her position cradled in Supergirl’s arms like a child, crying and snottering all over Kara’s lovely pink shirt.

Kara dismisses her embarrassment and any attempts at an apology as the firmness rubbing Nia’s back increases, “Shh Nia. It’s okay. It’s good to cry sometimes. You needed it, and I am glad I was here for you. Never apologise for being sad or for your tears. If a hero can’t be brave enough to cry then they are surely lost. Just ask Alex, I have broken down on her more than a few times in my life.”

Nia takes comfort in Kara’s words, always amazed how the usually bumbling and rambling reporter always knows exactly what to say when it counts.

Nia feels her body sag, slow tears still leak from her eyes but she can feel her breathing slowing and with it the exhaustion of her breakdown pulls at her. She feels so safe here, so warm. Her eyes flutter shut. Morpheus takes her.

* * *

Nia blinks slowly and rubs her eyes as she comes back to consciousness. She feels stiff but the aching pain in her chest is greatly reduced and the dark cloud that had seemingly been hanging over her since Wednesday night seems to have lifted.

Nia shuffles up to her elbows and blinks as she takes in her surroundings. She is laid out on her sofa, swaddled in the soft blanket that usually sits at the foot of her bed. Pillows rest beneath her head and her apartment looks remarkably cleaner than she last remembers it. Her coffee table has been cleared of the veritable mountain of balled up tissues, junk food rappers and rubbish that had seemingly taken residence there the last two days. The floor looks freshly swept and the stale pizza boxes are nowhere in sight.

Soft, lavender scented candles burn in votives around the room and the picture of herself, Maeve and her mother which she had been nursing in the depths of her depression is back on the shelf to the right of her television.

Nia’s brows scrunch as she tries to make sense of her surroundings and then like a punch from a Daxamite she remember Kara coming over and her sob fest.

Nia groans in mortification. Kara held her while she cored and by the looks of things tidied up her pigsty of an apartment. As Nia swings her legs to the floor and reaches out for the fresh bottle of water that seems to have been left on the coffee table for her, she feel a rush of gratitude that Kara is her friend.

Nia gulps the water, feeling its cool freshness coat her throat which is still sore from her sobbing.

Nia startles when a soft voice sounds from behind her, “Hey. You’re awake. How do you feel?”

Nia twists around to see Kara standing behind the sofa in her work pants and a pink shirt that seems to have a slowly dying tear stains in the middle.

Nia blushes and ducks her head, “Better..uh, thanks. You didn’t have to stay, or clean. I’m sorry about…”

Kara cuts her off with a stern face, “Nuh uh, remember what I said? Never apologise for needing to cry. I am just happy I could be here for you. Would you like me to heat up some take out for you? I’ll even share my potstickers.”

Nia smiles wryly at this generous offer even as her stomach rumbles at the thought of food more substantial than the junk she has been subsisting on the last two days, “That sounds great actually. Um, how long was I out?”

Kara smiles softly, “Only about an hour. You needed it. It’s only 8:30pm. Stay there, I’ll just grab the food.”

Kara dashes back towards the kitchen alcove and returns with a large bag of takeout marked with the familiar red characters of the Superfriends preferred Chinese takeout in one hand and an assortment of plates, cutlery and napkins in the other.

Kara settles on the sofa beside Nia and quickly makes her up a plate of Hunana Chicken, boiled rice, veggies and scallion pancakes. As promised, two potstickers are perched on the edge of the plate and Kara zaps it all with her heat vision until the food begins emitting a delicious smelling steam.

Kara smiles in delight as she lifts a pillow to set on Nia’s knee and rest the plate on, “Careful, it’s hot!”.

Nia smiles, “Thank you Kara.”

Kara shrugs self-deprecatingly, “It’s nothing.”

With sudden relish once more for food Nia dives into her meal and begins gorging herself on the deliciously spicy chicken and fluffy rice. Nia moans. It tastes amazing and she only now realises how hungry she was.

Kara, always happy to eat, piles her plate precariously high with what seems like all the remaining food in the variety of boxes and begins devouring what seems to be a triple portion of Meatball Ramen. Occasionally, her hand disappears to her side where the box of potstickers is carefully balanced and she wolfs down one of her favourite little pork parcels.

Nia grins around a mouthful of pancakes and considers teasing Kara about her protective instincts towards her potstsickers.

They eat in a companionable silence and when their plates are finally scraped clean they set them back on the coffee table. Too full and satisfied to even considering tidying up.

Nia slumps back and rests her hand on her stomach, feeling satisfyingly full and relaxed for the first time in days.

Kara at the other end of the sofa mirrors her position and for a time both women enjoy the quiet comfort.

Eventually though it had to be broken, “We were worried about you, you know?” Kara says softly.

Nia shifts on the sofa to face her friend, “Everyone?”

Kara nods, “Yeah. Everyone. Kelly, Alex, J’onn, me….Brainy.”

Nia groans but Kara carries on.

“In all the time we have known you, you have never taken a sick day. I had kind of assumed your Naltorian genes gave you a better immune system?”

Nia nods slightly, “It does. I can count the number of times I have been sick on one hand with plenty of fingers left over.”

Kara hesitates but chooses to plough on, “So you weren’t really sick. Do you want to talk about what brought on all-“ Kara waves vaguely- “this?”

Nia hesitates for a moment. The pain in her chest ripples and she can feel the dark cloud that had hovered over her for the last two days slowly creeping back just at the thought of the last two days events and emotional turmoil.

Before Nia’s thoughts can run away with themselves, Kara reaches out and her warm hand curls over Nia’s. She squeezes firmly, “I’m here for you Nia. Whether you want to tell me or not. I’m your friend and I will always be here for you.”

Nia sags back in the sofa and she squeezes Kara’s hand in return. The dark cloud that was encroaching recedes. Kara really is like sunshine sometimes. Her positivity and warmth seem to naturally chase away darker emotions. Sat beside the Kryptonian Nia feels like she can actually face what has been hurting her without being consumed by the darkness.

Nia sighs, “I went on a date on Wednesday night.”

“Oh!” Kara says. Her eyebrows jump in surprise at this seemingly non-sequiter. “I didn’t know you were dating again Nia, that’s wonderful. With how complicated things got with Brainy I know you were hesitant to put yourself back out there…” Kara’s ramble is cut off as she suddenly notices the dark look that has come across Nia’s face.

“…or maybe not such a wonderful thing?” Kara hesitantly asks as her eyes narrow in concern.

Nia fights tears as she tries to explain. “Brainy was my first serious boyfriend, I hadn’t actually ever done the dating thing before.” Nia fidgets uncomfortably.

Sensing her discomfort and embarrassment Kara shuffles closer and sympathetically offers, “It’s okay Nia. Mon-El was my first and seemingly last serious relationship too. Dating when you’re an alien is a little difficult.”

Nia leans into Kara’s comfort with a soft snort, “Try being an alien and trans. Complicated and different are the buzz words even here in liberal National City. I feel so unprepared. Brainy was my first serious boyfriend and first sexual experience. A-after my final big surgery it took a while for me to feel comfortable enough to consider pursuing a physical relationship. The media throw around talk of trans surgery and vaginoplasty like it’s just another procedure but I finally had my own body, my authentic body and it was still pretty foreign to me. It took years for me to heal, for sensation to return to places, for my brain to understand that this was now my body, my anatomy and that I could take pleasure from the new sensations and anatomical arrangement. It was a lot of nerves, muscle, skin and general rearranging, it takes a while to settle. I feel like I am in my mid-twenties ut am only just now dipping my toes into the dating and intimacy pools while everyone else has been doing it since they were teenagers. I was never comfortable before now.”

Kara slings a comforting arm around Nia and rubs her shoulder softly. Dark thoughts of the case where a bigoted idiot had used dating sites to prey on Nia’s community and hurt them rises to the front of Kara’s mind, “Oh Nia, what happened? Did someone hurt you? Do I have to go melt someone’s face off? Tell me their name, I’ll do it!”

Nia laughs wetly as she tries to smother a sob, “So many of my trans and alien friends have said how hard it is dating outside our own community and outside safe spaces but I had taken it all with a pinch of salt. That is, until I posted a dating profile online. I tried to be so honest. I put it all out there in my Bio. That I was half Naltorian and that I was a post op M/F trans woman. I’m proud of who I am but after two weeks with no-one replying to my invitations on the site or sending me any I got disheartened.”

Kara huffs, “People are idiots Nia and you know that the internet isn’t always the best place to meet people. You should have said. I could have set you up, or one of our friends could have.”

Nia swipes away a tear, “I didn’t want to involve our friends’ group. Things are awkward enough with Brainy without putting my love life in the middle of it.”

Kara can see where Nia is coming from. She admits to herself that she is unsure how Brainy would have reacted if one of them had set Nia up on a date. Would he give us the cold shoulder? Accuse us of being disloyal? Brainy is remarkably illogical when it comes to Nia.

Nia groans, “Brainy is half the problem anyway. He gave me this naïve idea that people would see past my species or gender to who I am. I guess that kind of blind acceptance can only be expected from 12th level alien, future intellects.”

Kara can’t help but snort, “I will admit, human males are a little… Unevolved?””

Nia raises her brows in a gesture of -*really?*

Nia grumbles aggressively, “Human males are stupid, especially the heterosexual cis gender ones. Brainy looked at me and saw Nia. Not my alien past, not that I was trans. He looked at me and he saw a beautiful woman who made him happy, who was smart, intelligent and worthy of a real relationship.”

Kara nods along as though Nia is bestowing great wisdom upon her before breaking into an over enthusiastic smile, “Nia, you are all of those things. You are a beautiful woman but more importantly you have a personality to match your beauty. You’re courageous, loving, hardworking, fun, friendly and so many other wonderful things. You’re one of my best friends Nia, and anyone would be lucky to have you.”

“Thanks Kara,” Nia whispers as she leans into Kara’s warm shoulder.

Kara waits a moment before hesitantly asking, “What does the cesspool of online dating have to do with why you were off work and so upset Nia?”

Nia stiffens slightly, “Damn reporters. You never accept burying the lead.”

Kara chuckles, “Nope.”

Nia groans and rubs her brows as though relieving tension before twisting to face Kara as she leans against her, “Right, well, I decided that the reason that people weren’t connecting with me online was because they weren’t getting to know the real me before they saw my labels and all my…’baggage.’ I had the bright idea to ignore all my trans friends warnings and rewrite my Bio but to leave out my gender history, and my species designation. I decided I would go on a date and if things went well then at the end of it I would tell them the truth. Surely after they had gotten to know me, my species or past gender would be irrelevant if we had a connection. Right?”

Nia’s tone pleads for understanding and Kara grimaces, “That sounds fine in theory but speaking as someone who knows about dating while hiding a huge secret and also as someone who built a friendship on revealing my ‘baggage’ after we had gotten to know each other, I can say it doesn’t always work out how you expect.”

“No shit Sherlock,” Nia bites out aggressively.

“What happened?” Kara asks mournfully.

Nia takes a shuddering breath, “It all started so well. I got a date within an hour of changing my profile. He seemed sweet. He was intelligent, a Democrat, has a lesbian little sister, works as a Vet and was gorgeous. We messaged and he was funny and nice. We arranged dinner for Wednesday night. It all went so well. We did the usual first date topics of work, family and interests. He seemed so enthusiastic about my work and we laughed at childhood stories. I dropped the fact my Mom was Naltorian into a story and instead of being a turn off he was intrigued. He asked lots of insightful questions about growing up half alien and then seamlessly moved onto talking about our hobbies. He loved scrabble of all things. I was already planning to invite him to a games night in my head, like a lovesick idiot.”

Kara tightens her grip, “You’re not an idiot. It’s natural to have dreams, to hope for the future. What happened?”

Nia shudders under Kara’s touch, “It was all going well and as we ate dessert, I decided I would just tell him I was trans. It was awful Kara. His face just shut down. One moment he was open and friendly and solicitous. The next he was choking on his cheesecake and his whole expression became hostile. He looked disgusted…betrayed. He said he needed a moment and excused himself to go to the restroom. I sat there like an idiot for twenty minutes and then actually went to the men’s room like some desperate sap thinking something had happened to him. It hadn’t. He had noped right out of the restaurant. Abandoned me with the bill. I was mortified. The waiter gave me these pitying looks as I paid the bill. It was humiliating.”

Kara can feel her jaw clench and her eyes burn with heat. Nia has been careful to not reveal any names but she is pretty sure with the DEO and Alex’s help she can find the piece of shit…maybe give him a scare for being a coward and an asshole. He didn’t want to date someone trans. Fine. That was his choice, his prejudice or preference or whatever, but just leaving the restaurant without a word…what a dickhead. What a coward.

Kara absently rubs Nia’s back, “Oh Nia. I am so sorry. I am so sorry that happened to you. You didn’t deserve that Nia. He was an asshole. An idiot that he couldn’t see how wonderful and special and smart you are.”

Nia is taking short panting breaths as she tries to control herself, “I was just so hurt and humiliated Kara. I came back here and I just…I just wanted my mom. I wanted her to tell me it was okay, that he was an idiot and that I would meet someone better. I wanted my mom, but she’s gone and Maeve hasn’t spoken to me in years. Its’s my mom’s anniversary tomorrow and I just miss her s-so much.”

Kara feels the rippling agony of grief at losing a parent rush through her own chest as though in sympathy with Nia. Kara knows Nia’s pain and grief well: she has lost her father Zor, her foster father Jeremiah, she had thought her mother lost for years and in a way she still is.

This, this grief is the real source of Nia’s pain. Her heartbreak over Brainy, combined with her recent terrible date and the resurgence of the loss of her mother and sister on the anniversary of her family’s disintegration has all become too much. Too much emotional turmoil and loss.

Kara wraps Nia more thoroughly in her arms and rocks her through her soft weeping as she whispers over and over, “I know. I know Nia. Let it out.”

After Nia has regained her equilibrium somewhat Kara casts about for something to say. Some consolation she can give or topic she can use as a distraction or balm on Nia’s healing heart.

Kara’s eyes land on the picture of Nia, Maeve and their mother and inspiration strikes. Alex used to do the same thing with Kara and it always helped. A reliving, a sharing of memories and burdens.

“Nia? Would you tell me about your mother?”

Nia leans back as she wipes her tears with hear sweater sleeve, “My mother?”

Kara nods encouragingly, “Yeah. I only met her briefly. Will you tell me about her. She seemed an amazing woman. What would she have told you today if she was here right now?”

Nia hesitates for a moment as though deciding if the pain of remembering is worth it. After a moment Nia’s lips kick up in a tiny, sad smile.

“My Mom was great. If she was here right now she would be telling me not to waste my tears on some idiot and that she had dreamed of a Prince worthy of me in the future.”

Nia snorts and Kara smiles as she teases, “You see, I knew your mom was smart. Uh, to have a parent who could have seen the future.” Kara’s face darkens for a moment as she thinks of the loss of Krypton and her mother’s many mistakes before she forces her mind back to Nia, “ What was she like growing up?”

Nia giggles a little, “Mom was remarkable. Being Dreamer and so experienced at it made her seem so wise. She danced through life. She saw our father in a dream so she came to earth. If we needed something, a lift to soccer practice or if we forgot our lunches…mom was always there at just the right time. She always knew when me and Maeve were up to something. She would sometimes let us get away with things. We had thought ourselves so clever to evade our mothers Dreams when we snuck out or told her fibs. Imagine our surprise when we went to college and she told us that she had always known but that a little teenage rebellion and childish mischievousness was a part of growing up.”

Kara laughs and her beaming smile coaxes Nia’s own smile to widen.

Kara hesitates on her next question but her journalistic curiosity sees her dive forth, “What about when you decided to transition?”

Nia rolls her eyes, “My coming out story and transition is as untraditional as the rest of me. I think it is what makes it harder for me to integrate into the trans community too sometimes, that and being an alien. Growing up with Mom and in the liberal accepting shelter of Parthas made things easier. Mom knew I was going to transition when she dreamed it when I was about seven or eight. Being Naltorian helped too because back on Naltor things like that were more accepted and procedures more advanced. She had prepared my Dad for it so when I finally got up the nerve at eleven to broach the issue, to come out…it was so anti-climatic. I had been so worried, so stressed and mom just hugged me. She told me it was going to be alright. I was so relived but also angry. I had been struggling with this huge secret and all these conflicting thoughts, feelings, worries and doubts. My Mom had known and just left me to work through it all myself. I was hurt at first but eventually saw that my discovery of myself was exactly that…mine. She couldn’t do that part for me. When she said she still loved me and it would work out I believed her. I remember feeling this weight lift off my chest so I could breathe again. My mom was Dreamer. She seemed omnipotent, unflappable and undefeatable. If she said it would be alright, then it would be. I had faith in my mom.”

Kara can feel tears well up in her eyes, “She sounds amazing. She must have been such a support!”

Nia looks sad suddenly, “You have no idea Kara. My Dad and Maeve were great but without my Mom I never would have been able to transition as successfully as I have. She was…amazing. Do you know what is involved in transitioning?”

Kara blushes faintly, “Vaguely. I researched it in my teens here on earth. It wasn’t really a thing on Krypton. Kryptonian society genetically engineered everyone to a universal standard genitalia and reproductive system generations ago so we essentially had a unified sex as biological and anatomical reality. The only thing that indicated ‘gender’ externally was the secondary characteristics like facial structure, voice, build, breasts and hair. The birthing matric designed children and decided on their secondary sexual characteristics and gender presentation according to how their genome was programmed. I never heard of anyone ‘trans’ or intersex on Krypton, likely because our reproduction wasn’t dependent on random mitosis and meiosis which introduced genetic and species wide variation. It’s why we didn’t have intersex either, or rather why we were all sort of interx maybe? It’s confusing trying to use human and English terms.. Since we began using the matrix I think offspring were programmed to fit into the neat little boxes of gender that the rigid Kryptonian high council thought was most efficient. It’s kind of like how there was no-one with any genetic or congenital defects at birth. I was only thirteen when I left Krypton though so I would have to check the Fortress to be sure.”

Nia’s eyes are blown wide, “You know Kara, sometimes I forget how advanced Krypton was compared to humanity and even Naltor. I forget too how alien you are. Your people’s society and genetic manipulation has so many societal, ethical and moral implications that I never considered before.”

Kara shrugs, “Human morality at least, and human social implications. I know how eugenic Krypton sounds to most humans who really hear the truth about it but to me it is humanity who are primitive. The idea of sexual, racial and ableist inequality is very strange. The body is merely a host for the person so why not make it the best body possible to serve your people and your world. Changing the physical seems minor to our mindset. We never cared about skin colour, gender or sex and were well on our way to eradicating such biases altogether. There were numerous ethnicities on Krypton but no racism, no people born with disabilities and our medicine dealt with sickness so no ableism and our aligned universal sexual organs means no sexism. I suppose being extremely demisexual and asexual helped too. There was rumbles of doing another large scale change to the Kryptonian genome to universalise everyone with a standard set of androgynous secondary physical gender characteristics as well as creating a unified blended skin tone so that all Kryptonians were even more homogenous looking. Everyone would look the same and nothing at all like what any of the ethnicities of Kryptonians ever looked like. It worked when we created our artificial Kryptonian one world language and consigned the other native and regional ones to the history books. The extra changes were a hot topic of debate amongst the science guild when I was a child as the Council was debating the strain on resources, the need for the changes, the affect on the psyche and even arguing on whether changes should go further. The military guild wanted to remove hair and change our eyes to a colourless more robust standard too.”

Nia can feel her mouth hanging open in shock, “That..that is very alien. That level of control over an individuals physical body…before birth. Wow. I am so glad that humanity can’t do that. I shudder to think at what bigots would do with that and the arguments it would cause from an ethical stand point.”

Kara shrugs, “Alien culture. Alien morality. Things that you and humanity struggle with I think of as normal. I still think the idea of tattooing and graffitiing your body, which is the ultimate expression of your House, is abhorrent, but I have learned that it is just a human difference. “

Nia looks thoughtful for a moment before she shakes her head, “Back on topic. Your research probably gave you the bare bones of what transitioning here on earth is like but let me tell you, it is so much more complex, bureaucratic, physically and emotionally gruelling than anyone will ever be able to explain. My experience felt like a never-ending marathon with obstacles being thrown in my way and I had my mom there making everything easier with her powers and my families unwavering support. Some of the stories of other trans people transitioning…I don’t think I could have gone through what a lot of them do.”

Kara looks so sad now. Her eyes brim with tears and she clings to Nia, “What was it like for you?”

Nia takes a shuddering breath, “My mom was so understanding, and she smoothed the way. She was brilliant. She was able to Dream which Doctor would be most sympathetic, would be willing to take on a half alien without turning me into a guinea pig or second guessing my resolve, my identity and my moms ability to Dream my future as my authentic female self. That was only the start though. The doctors had to be so careful when they started my Hormone therapy treatment because of my Naltorian heritage. All of the medicine and knowledge is based on humans. My body uses hormones differently, produces them at different rates. Getting the right mix of drugs was hard and expensive. That’s the thing so few people talk about. Transitioning is expensive, especially here in America, doing it as a half alien who needs specialised care and treatment plans: It was exorbitant. Every consultation with a psychiatrist, with an endocrinologist, with consultants and surgeons…it all cost money. Then the actual surgeries and procedures…it cost a lot of money. So much money.”

Kara frowns and shuffles as she casts her mind back to Nia’s modest family home and looks around her apartment here. None of it speaks to a family of wealth. Uncomfortably, Kara starts to ask, “How did you ever afford it?”

Nia smiles in wonder and a little guilt, “Naltor was subject to the United Planets Treaties and one of the only punitive measures ever placed on our species was that we could never, ever speculate in the Galactic Stock and Commodity Exchange because a significant minority of our planet had Dreamer precognition abilities of one kind or another. My mother never used her powers for financial gain when she came to earth, that is until I needed to transition. She broke her cardinal rule for me. She went against her own moral code for me. I never found out what exactly she did, something to do with a hedge fund but I have a trust in my name. It has very, very strict conditions that mean it could only be used for me and only for my transition procedures and the ongoing healthcare needs and prescriptions resulting from it. When I die the trusts outstanding balance will be donated to a Trans charity. I don’t even know how much is in it, just that my mom told me I would never have to worry about paying for my medical bills to remain my healthy, authentic self. So many people in the Trans community watch the political agenda with dread as medical insurance changes and Trans rights expand and contract. I don’t though, not beyond moral community outrage. No matter how draconian or bigoted medical insurance and state medical laws become I know I will always be able to afford my prescriptions, my check ups and any future treatments if they ever become an issue. Last month when gynaecological care was excluded from medical insurance care for transwomen so many of my friends were hurt and worried. I felt it too but I also knew that I had my Trust. I had my safety net, so I can always afford that care because of my mom.”

Kara feels her outrage roar at the current political administrations attack on Trans people and their medical needs. To Kara’s Kryptonian mind the private, paid-for, insurance driven, for profit, medical system of America is a class based, capitalist monstrosity which does nothing to help people and everything to fill large companies and pharmaceuticals pockets. El Mayarrah was her House motto. Stronger together. All people are stronger together if and when they help each other. When would humanity evolve enough to understand that they were only as strong as their weakest member and only by helping each other equally can they rise as a species?

Kara is lost for words and simultaneously mourns a woman she barely met. Nia’s mother had gifted her daughter her freedom, and as such, had gifted the world the woman that Nia has become: a hero, a friend.

Kara clears her throat of the sudden sorrow and choked back tears as she clings to her friend. So much pain is hidden beneath Nia’s happy exterior, just like Kara herself.

“Your mother gave you a gift Nia. Never feel guilty about it. Cherish it as the privilege and the blessing it is but never feel guilty that your mother loved you. Use the freedom she has gifted you to fight for those who aren’t as blessed. Pay it forward.”

Nia nods resolutely, “I try. I try to honour my mother’s gift. She was a magnificent woman even beyond her Dreamer ability and the financial support she gave me. Transitioning is hard and painful. She was always there for me, through the good times and the bad, through the mood swings and crying fits as I found the right hormone therapies. She was there for me through the surgeries and procedures to transition, to become who I knew I was. Those procedures only got more intense and more invasive as I proceeded. The laser epilation, my nose job, my tracheal scraping, my breast implants, facial feminisation surgery, ovum extraction and preservation, hysterectomy and finally my vaginoplasty. There were other surgeries and procedures too but my mom never blinked, she just continued to hold me up, to help me recover from each surgery. It was painful and embarrassing at times. No one wants their mother seeing them weak, helping them change bandages and to go to the bathroom but my mom never flinched and never made me feel embarrassed or like a burden. She never questioned my resolve or tried to stop me when I wanted more surgery, when I needed another procedure to get my body to match my mind, my heart. She was…amazing.”

Kara feels silent tears running down her face as she thinks about the young woman in front of her, about all the surgeries and pain she has undergone to be her true, authentic self.

“You’re so brave,” Kara whispers.

Nia twitches at the trite praise.

“Is it brave to do everything you can to save your own life?” she asks.

Kara swallows visibly and looks away as a darkness passes over her own eyes in remembrance of her own pain, “Sometimes Nia, choosing to live and to fight for the life you want is the bravest think you can do.”

Nia opens her mouth to pursue what Kara means but the pained look in Kara’s eyes makes her hesitate.

Before Nia can decide what to do Kara pushes forward, “Your mom sounds amazing and I guess I can understand why you wanted her on Wednesday night. She sounds like she would have known exactly what to say after the idiot date pulled a Houdini.”

Nia smiles sadly as she allows Kara to deflect, “Yeah. Mom would have said all the right things but she’s not here and when I got home on Wednesday I felt so low, so alone. I kind of spiralled a bit. I started thinking about Mom and then that led to darker thoughts about how she never even considered I could be the next Dreamer, the daughter with the gift. She was so sure it was Maeve and sometimes it makes me wonder if on a subconscious level she didn’t really accept me as a woman. I know she loved me but I can’t help but wonder if she qualified my womanhood, I was a trans woman to her…not just a woman. Then I feel guilty for questioning her motives because she was so supportive. But then I remember that Maeve was supportive too and she was so quick to turn on me. To accuse me of stealing her birth right and of not being a ‘real’ woman-”

Nia’s words break off in a sob at the remembered betrayal.

Kara hesitates for a second before she shoots forward and scoops Nia up, curling her up on her knee and rocking her gently as she cries.

“Shh Nia. Your sister was hurting, she lashed out. Of course, you’re a real woman! She was wrong!” Kara repeats over and over.

Nia chokes on a sob, “I-I hate her for what she said. We haven’t spoken in two years, but I miss her s-s-so much. Maeve was my loving older sister. She protected me and supported me growing up and on Wednesday I just wanted my sister. Mom’s gone and she’s all that’s left. On Wednesday I just wanted my sister to tell me it was going to be alright again. I just wanted my family, I didn’t want to be alone-“

Nia breaks off as she cries again. The confession rattles deep into Kara’s mind and she can’t help but empathise. As much as Alura hurt Kara she would have forgiven her anything, still would, just to have her Aunt back. Just to hear her call her ‘Little One’ once more and tell her everything will be alright.

“Shh, shh Nia. You’re not alone. I’m here. You’re never alone, you have friends who love you and it’s going to be alright.”

Kara whispers comfort to Nia as the city quietens outside the apartment. As Nia drifts into a deep healing sleep of one exhausted from too many emotions and tears, Kara contemplates her next move. Nia needs her friends now more than ever and in the future they will have to be more aware of just how much Nia has overcome and the challenges she faces. That is just what friends do, that is what family does.

Kara grimaces as her mind drifts to thoughts of Maeve. Nia was profoundly hurt by Maeve’s words, yet they were said at such a terrible time. Parthas was under attack, their mother had just died and Maeve had lost something she had trained her whole life for. These were not excuses for her actions and her words but perhaps they leant hope that the relationship between Nia and Maeve could be mended.

Perhaps they could once more be stronger together.

Perhaps Kara should take a trip to see Maeve and hope that what is broken might be fixed.

* * *

**The End.**   


**Author's Note:**

> Thanks very much for reading. Please Kudos and leave a comment to let me know what you thought.


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